challenges

Balance on the Edge of Oblivion

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I’ve been reading through an awesome book called; Blood, Sweat and Pixels about the insane process of game development. Jason Schreier does a fantastic job of explaining the tomultuous process of developing a game, he does this by following many different games from inception to release. As a game developer it’s both eye-opening and awe-opening. One of the main themes that is present throughout the book is ‘crunch’. Crunch in game development terms is basically when the team has to work constantly to finish the game/project before the deadline. We have all crunched at some point, for school or work. It’s late nights and early mornings, bleary eyed and caffine fueled.

Crunch in game dev is a necessity, no game has come out without crunch. The reason I bring up crunch? Well it all plays into work/life balance. I’ve been thinking about this idea for the whole week. Work and life (or the rest of your life) is challenging to balance, even if you go to work at regular hours and don’t stay late or work from home it follows you. After work you have to try to forget or destress.

For creatives this is nearly impossible. As a game developer and author I can attest firsthand. My brain never stops working, either it’s characters and scenes or code and design elements or mechanics, it never fucking stops.

For me the only time I can let go is only sometimes when I’m either playing a game or totally engrossed in a novel. Otherwise, its a constant barrage of ideas or stressing about how something isn’t finished or isn’t quite right. Or it’s how I’m doing this instead of that, why am I not working on this, or why am I just laying in bed right now on instagram or facebook or reading an article? I could be working on something!

In the whole work / life balance thing, I find I go through cycles of productivity. I’ll have weeks of consitent productivity, then lull’s. This I have learned is not that uncommon either. But I also find when a new game comes out I tend to binge in a similar way when working on something new, it’s all I think about, how do I get to the next level or the next item or whatever. Right now I’m in a lull, unproductive and distracted by other work and a game. My brain is struggling to focus on my creative projects.

It’s very frustrating.

A Necessary Reset

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I open the door, the harsh colour of the walls glares back at me and the cracked base board screams ‘FIX ME’. I take a step, telling myself ‘Deep breaths’. I put the box down. Sure it’s not perfect, but neither am I, but it’s mine, it’s me. This is the reset I desperately needed.

I move the pathetically small amount of stuff I own into the new place, MY new place.

I was nervous, terribly nervous; I‘ve never been completely on my own before. I’ve always lived with friends while at school, and then I lived with my girlfriend, correction, ex-girlfriend.

Now, I’m in a new city, with a new career, and nothing to distract me, no excuses. No girlfriend, no friends… I’m terrified. My new job begins in two days. I managed to unpack in all of five minutes (not much came with me). The mess reduced to a minimum.

Boredom has replaced excitement and nervous energy. Realization has set in, no friends… no social life. What am I to do?

I decide a walk will do me good, learn the area.

I leave the building and enter the outside world. Taking in my new surroundings, I walk block after block, street after street. I’m reminded of my friends, I miss them. I’m surrounded by thousands yet I’m alone.

I’m sullen, my head droops. I start questioning myself. “Why did I move here? Alone?” I keep walking. I hear something padding along behind me. I stop and turn around to find a dog looking back at me, a fellow lonely soul. I keep walking, and he keeps following. He follows me home, our new home. The look in his eyes tells me ‘life here isn’t so scary’.

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This was my second post for the weekly writing challenge, focusing on flash fiction.

Let me know what you think, have you ever done a reset? Or wanted a reset?

Rational?

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Routine, rummage roughly, rest, realization.

Reality reckons, routine ruined, remember, reason.

Rise.

 

Weekly Writing Challenge: Time For Poetry

I tried something new here, I have never attempted a poem that uses the same starting letter, but I used this weeks challenge as an opportunity to try something new.

The “Girlfriend Interruption” Difficulty

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Relationships can be tricky sometimes, especially when one person spends time doing something that excludes the other. This can be somewhat problematic. Guess what? I just so happen to have experienced this before, when I am playing a game for extended periods of time (upwards of 4 hours) my girlfriend becomes frustrated because I seem to be ignoring her. This can lead to, I’ll use the word difficulties. What I have found is that trying to include her can help, asking her what she thinks of the game, or if she would like to take a turn. Simply including her in your activity can change her opinion of the game. The act of including her may even change her mind about games. A common opinion among women is that games are stupid, but if you try to show them why you find gaming enjoyable they may understand why you can spend hours and hours playing. Once they realise gaming isn’t a stupid mindless activity they may even want to try, and in my opinion this is something to encourage. If you can get them playing then it is easier to play yourself without them getting angry, because they understand how fun and addictive a game can be.

My girlfriend never hated games or anything so extreme but sometimes she will get annoyed when I play by myself for a long time without talking to her (which I completely understand and sympathize with). When I try to include her by asking for her opinions and asking if she wants to play seems to help, she engages with the game and she doesn’t get frustrated because I’m not ignoring her. Often she declines my offers saying she would rather watch me play, but this act of inclusion really seems to help. Her declining might just be a polite reaction but it also allows you to keep playing which honestly I have never minded. As a gamer I can say that it can be difficult to watch a beginner (noob) try to play a game you are experienced with. At the same time though if she does decide to take up your offer and try out the game you can practice your patience skill by teaching her and having fun watching her play. This is also a chance to let your frustrations with the game go.  Too often have I gotten frustrated and angry with a game, yelling at the screen some swear words in a nonsensical manner, letting that frustration go can be a difficult task. Watching her play might remind you not take it too seriously because it is a game after all and meant to be fun.

When my girlfriend does decide to play we often have a lot of fun together. I like getting the opportunity to include her with something I enjoy, especially when she has fun as well. Doing something I like with her and having us both enjoy ourselves is always a good thing in my mind…