Long distance is awful.
I had to go away for a few months of contract work and unfortunately my girlfriend was unable to join me. I am stuck in a city where I have basically no friends. I go to work and then I come home play some games or watch some tv and then go to bed. That is my life right now (apart from the writing). At the beginning it didn’t seem so bad, the days went by fairly quickly and it seemed totally manageable. Things changed.
Now I can’t stop thinking about her, every minute of every day I am haunted by her. It’s basically torture.
We have not seen each other or felt each other in just over three weeks.
It will be at least another two weeks before we get a weekend together.
I hate this, I hate being so far away with no one, not even a friend to distract me. All the people in the office I am at are at least 20 years older and they are nice but it’s not like I would go hang out with them anyways. I feel so constricted.
The only positive so far is that my creative side has had a bit of a revival. I write all the time, and drawing is starting to come back. (inspiration lately has been lacking).
We talk fairly often but not enough, never enough. Texting and chatting on the phone can only do so much. What’s worse is that we can’t Skype because she doesn’t have adequate internet where she is. It’s no ones fault but it sucks.
We spent the whole summer together.
The two of us spent the entire summer looking for work, basically wherever we could find it. Unfortunately this has led to a problem. Now we have jobs in different cities, and they are far from each other.
The summer was amazing. We decided to live together for the first time, and since neither of us was working we spent most days together just hanging out. Many naked days. It was impressive how little we fought considering how much time we spent in the same space.
Everyday we would wake up and then go into the room where my Xbox was and we would spend most of the day there, watching movies, playing games just hanging out. There were a few times when I found myself thinking “I need a bit of space, just a day or two” but those were rare and even then I didn’t really need it.
Now I wish so badly to go back to that time. When she was always in arms reach. When I could kiss her whenever I wanted.
Hopefully in a few months we can go back to something like that. Only where we both have jobs in the same city.
How Can I Go On
I’m waiting, wishing,
Sitting in a room of memories,
Seconds slowly pass, time`s pace is cruel.
My mind wanders
Thoughts of her haunting me once again
The ghosts of memory,
I don’t want these feelings
These thoughts anymore.
My mind tormented constantly.
Why can I not escape?
She has gone,
My mind will not yield
Refusing to let go.
I am baffled yet elated
Yet she takes no notice of me,
Am I… a shadow?
A spectre of memory?
She was my forever.
This was the last piece in the Our Life series. I hope you enjoyed them. Here is the full collection in one place. Please feel free to leave a comment if the mood strikes!
Gone, Where I Cannot Follow
A four letter word, can I say it?
It haunts me,
She is always on my mind.
Without I feel empty
Reduced to a phantom,
She gives me heart
A soul, meaning.
I want to tell her with every fibre of me.
Life left to never return
Never again will she hear
The four letter word.
The Next Step
I open the door, already a smile on my face,
I am home.
I see her, a smile spreads over her
Tears come to her eyes
I bring her close, hold her tight.
We breathe each other in
I can feel the weight in my pocket
I kneel and look up, her beautiful eyes stare back.
Death leaves her lips.
Our world is shattered.
A Perfect Pair
I look at her,
Happiness overtakes her,
I can’t look away.
My stare attempts to see
Everything, remember everything.
Life made simple with her
Life is for her, without I would be nothing
I need her
She alone is my perfection.
Life is her.
I hold her close,
I love her.
Never will I leave her.
Then Comes a Kiss
Soft and warm,
Red and luscious,
A lock of velvet.
They near each other
My heart pounds, hands shake,
A moment has never caused
Such turmoil within me,
My hands move of their own volition, as if confused.
We near each other
Time crawls forward,
The moment lasting forever
Excitement and terror writhes through me.
The pounding ceases, baffled hands become calm,
The lock has found the key
Everything is right.
Beginning with a Crush
I am kept awake by thoughts of you,
When I finally succumb
I am tortured
Dreams are filled with your touch, your eyes.
Moments we are near I am but a spectre
Your eyes see through me
My words fall to a vacant stare
How is it you are on my mind constantly yet I am never on yours?
I am resolved,
I cannot be a shadow in your world any longer
I will act, I must.
Need drives me
The weight lifts
The answer comes
My heart soars, my eternal smile erupts
Your words echo my thoughts.
I am yours.
I am kept awake by thoughts of you, my dreams filled with your touch. Even moments we are near I am invisible, your eyes take no notice of me. How is it you are on my mind constantly yet I am never on yours? I must act, but will you?
They follow one another everywhere, do everything together. They are inseparable, like siblings. They play and walk side by side, they even enjoy the same stick. They run together, sleep next to each other, they are true friends. They may be different but their friendship runs deeper, best friends forever.
I step in the door and she is waiting, her whines and cries warm my heart. She is always there for me, I tell her about my day and she listens patiently, her eyes staring at me. We go walking and play in the grass and trees, running and chasing.
I look at her, she smiles, I can’t look away. Life is simple with her, life is for her, and without her I would be nothing, my life would be nothing. I need her, desire her, she is my perfection. Life is her. I hold her close, I love her.
Relationships can be tricky sometimes, especially when one person spends time doing something that excludes the other. This can be somewhat problematic. Guess what? I just so happen to have experienced this before, when I am playing a game for extended periods of time (upwards of 4 hours) my girlfriend becomes frustrated because I seem to be ignoring her. This can lead to, I’ll use the word difficulties. What I have found is that trying to include her can help, asking her what she thinks of the game, or if she would like to take a turn. Simply including her in your activity can change her opinion of the game. The act of including her may even change her mind about games. A common opinion among women is that games are stupid, but if you try to show them why you find gaming enjoyable they may understand why you can spend hours and hours playing. Once they realise gaming isn’t a stupid mindless activity they may even want to try, and in my opinion this is something to encourage. If you can get them playing then it is easier to play yourself without them getting angry, because they understand how fun and addictive a game can be.
My girlfriend never hated games or anything so extreme but sometimes she will get annoyed when I play by myself for a long time without talking to her (which I completely understand and sympathize with). When I try to include her by asking for her opinions and asking if she wants to play seems to help, she engages with the game and she doesn’t get frustrated because I’m not ignoring her. Often she declines my offers saying she would rather watch me play, but this act of inclusion really seems to help. Her declining might just be a polite reaction but it also allows you to keep playing which honestly I have never minded. As a gamer I can say that it can be difficult to watch a beginner (noob) try to play a game you are experienced with. At the same time though if she does decide to take up your offer and try out the game you can practice your patience skill by teaching her and having fun watching her play. This is also a chance to let your frustrations with the game go. Too often have I gotten frustrated and angry with a game, yelling at the screen some swear words in a nonsensical manner, letting that frustration go can be a difficult task. Watching her play might remind you not take it too seriously because it is a game after all and meant to be fun.
When my girlfriend does decide to play we often have a lot of fun together. I like getting the opportunity to include her with something I enjoy, especially when she has fun as well. Doing something I like with her and having us both enjoy ourselves is always a good thing in my mind…